Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize