I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize