im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
