fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
