Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
