I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
