i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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