Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
