If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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