Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
