I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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