I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize