this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
