I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Randomize
