Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
