I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
