Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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