Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
