Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
