Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
