His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
