did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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