Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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