My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
