i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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