so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
