Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All the doctor said was why
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
