College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
