They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
