I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize