he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
