The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
