i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Everclear isn't food dammit
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
