so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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