took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
