I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
