if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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