Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
