just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
