let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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