You smell like a Billy Joel song
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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