found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
