I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
