The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I need water and some morals
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
