If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
