the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
