pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
