we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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