peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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