So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
