dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
