Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
PANTIES FOUND
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