Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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