I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
