absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
