I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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