my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
