I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
