I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
