i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
