He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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