i wish there were pregnant emoticons
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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