i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
