I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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