I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
