you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
