Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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