People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
