I wish I could punch you in the face.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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