He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
