Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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