dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
